I am the women at the well

I am the women at the well that was once desperate for a love that she could not see, yet fully believed. I have never dated so I am not an adulteress; however that didn't stop my hunger for a love I have never felt. I searched my books, and I watched my friends. My literary heroes and my friends all had something I did not have. Love. One day a nice lady told me about a love that was so deep, I couldn't comprehend it; however I accepted it. Almost 10 years later and  I still don't understand the love that I have. However I know it exists. I know it exists because there is a peace in my heart. I know that the love so deep exists because my life is mirror reflecting His sacrifice. I see the reflection in myself, my only hope is that others can see it as well.
I am the women at the well who draws her water in the high heat of the day because I am too ashamed to talk to other people. My shame isn't anything either of us can see with our eyes, however there is one who can see my invisible shame no matter where I hide. My regret is the fact that I killed the giver of my love. I continue daily to kill him. I wish I knew how to stop, but I don't. The wonderful thing about my love is that no matter how many times I nail Him to a tree He still accepts His destiny. He tied his destiny to me. My destiny is Hell's great death, so that is where He followed me.
I am the women at the well who lived a sordid lifestyle focused only on myself. At first I only wanted to drink that water that would quench my thirst. I never knew of the excitement that this water would continue to bring me. I drink it everyday savoring the fresh taste in my life. That water has helped nourished me to be the person that I am today. I am full of mistakes, but I know that I am free. No longer under the punishment of my actions, but under the forgiving grace of my choices. I am the women at the well who made the choice  to drink the eternal water.

Just a thought

Why does beauty have to be defined by weight, or overall sex-appeal? Why can't the standards of beauty be defined by personality? If physical features have to be a standard then why can't beautiful features be found above the neck...My eyes are blue and green, has anyone ever noticed that before? Why does it have to be bra, pant, or shirt size? The number on the scale, or the back tag of my pants should not define what I look like.  For those thinking "Oh dear, the author is fat", Yes I'm considered fat by your standards. However, I'm not going to starve myself, and stress myself out trying to look like something I can't. I don't want to look like a hanger designers put clothes on, or men gawk at. I want to be appreciated for who I am. If I had a penny for every time people judged me because of my weight alone I'd be rich! It's cliche, but it is true.

My hair is another thing I would like to bring up. It's crazy, It's wild, and I LIKE IT! I love the fact that it can do things YOUR hair can't. It's part of what makes me unique. It's how God created me. I'm not going to ruin it because it's not straight and flat, I'm going to let it be crazy and free. Alright, that might not be totally true, I'll try to contain a bit of the craziness, and try to look put together. However I stand by what I said before, I'm not going to ruin it because it's not what you like. 

It's so sad that if I had the opportunity I would sometimes rather look like the box cut of a model. I am so tired of feeling this way. I don't want to be afraid to look at mirrors, pictures, or videos of myself. I have a body, and by "body" I mean my thighs touch, my hips are wide, and my tummy sticks out a tad. What kind of monsters make people feel bad about things they can't change over night? God has deemed me wonderfully made, and that's what I am. My worth is in Him, not in you. I need to stop being so offended every time someone says something about my looks. Could I be healthier yes, but it's a work in process, and If I'm healthy at 250 lbs. you don't have the right to say anything about that number. So I'm going to continue eating the chocolate, because I'm a female person, and that's what female people do.

All this to say I'm not going to change myself to be something men look at. I'm going to continue working on being someone that God looks at with pride. He'll always love me more than anyone could ever love me; so I'm not going to try to waste my time being someone you want me to be. I'll just continue to disappoint you, and you'll always disappoint me. However I will thank you for your time for reading this whole thing, hopefully now you can understand some of the things "fat" people think when they hear the "f word" whispered behind their back. 

Salvation from Hell

Uriah is a very complicated person. Her entire life is complicated, but not really. To explain why it is complicated, but not really, the day she found eternal, and unconditional love needs to be explained. Growing up Arella taught Uriah that there is a God that has such a deep love for His creation that He sent His Son to die for mankind. Further more, there is a section in God's word that speaks of how God loved people so much that he won't ever let them go. (Romans 8: 37-39) For Uriah, who was dissatisfied in the love she was shown by her parents; discovering this was the single most amazing thing she has ever come across.
I can hear you wondering exactly how Uriah thought that her parents didn't love her. Here it is: her mother neglected her, and eventually left her; and her father (who she eventually lived with) would hit her, and say the meanest things to her. Deep down Uriah knew that she was wanted at some point in her life. Pallaton and Mara would not have let Uriah live if they did not love her. They would not have had a problem aborting Uriah. Mara aborted a baby before, Pallaton could have easily claimed that Uriah was not his biological daughter. However their limited understanding of love hurt Uriah deeply.
I don't want to make it seem as if Uriah doesn't have any meaningful relationships. There is Frieda and Cheris, Uriah's two best friends. They have helped her grow in so many different ways. Frieda and Cheris were there for Uriah in ways Pallaton and Mara could not be. For example Cheris and Frieda were Uriah's source of emotional stability, support, laughter, wisdom, and spiritual growth. They reminded Uriah how the world in Christ could really be. They were Uriah's source and  example of love after Arella died. Also, lets not forget Pomona and  Fia. Such a constant source of Joy and laughter!
This is Uriah's life. Her life is crazy, but it is a normal thing. There are the wonderful moments of peace in Uriah's life. Hard times are given to us all when we need to grow. Happy times are there when God just wants to bless. Sometimes there are moments when God gives us peace even as we go through hard times just to show that He is always with us. God loves us, protects us, provides for us, and teaches us; He is to be the ultimate example.

The Beginning of Something

Uriah is a very complicated person. Her entire life is complicated, but not really. To explain why it is complicated, but not really, her childhood needs to be explained. Uriah's parents, Pallaton and Mara were not married. At one point in Uriah's childhood she would have thought they hated each other. Due to the animosity in Uriah's life, Uriah often questioned if she was loved. Growing up Uriah thought that love was expressed with gifts, and money. Uriah never knew that love was really more than money. It would take a very loving grandmother to begin telling her about a love so infinite that no one could comprehend it.

As a little girl Uriah dreamed of a place where she felt safe. In the home of her loving Grandmother (Arella) she finally had that small piece of rest her little heart was searching for. One of Uriah's favorite childhood memories was playing with Arella's clothes and jewelry. From a very young age Uriah admired her grandmother. Eventually Arella would die, and leave Uriah, it was a sad time in her life. However the sadness would leave her, and in it's place is hope for the future.