Just a thought

Why does beauty have to be defined by weight, or overall sex-appeal? Why can't the standards of beauty be defined by personality? If physical features have to be a standard then why can't beautiful features be found above the neck...My eyes are blue and green, has anyone ever noticed that before? Why does it have to be bra, pant, or shirt size? The number on the scale, or the back tag of my pants should not define what I look like.  For those thinking "Oh dear, the author is fat", Yes I'm considered fat by your standards. However, I'm not going to starve myself, and stress myself out trying to look like something I can't. I don't want to look like a hanger designers put clothes on, or men gawk at. I want to be appreciated for who I am. If I had a penny for every time people judged me because of my weight alone I'd be rich! It's cliche, but it is true.

My hair is another thing I would like to bring up. It's crazy, It's wild, and I LIKE IT! I love the fact that it can do things YOUR hair can't. It's part of what makes me unique. It's how God created me. I'm not going to ruin it because it's not straight and flat, I'm going to let it be crazy and free. Alright, that might not be totally true, I'll try to contain a bit of the craziness, and try to look put together. However I stand by what I said before, I'm not going to ruin it because it's not what you like. 

It's so sad that if I had the opportunity I would sometimes rather look like the box cut of a model. I am so tired of feeling this way. I don't want to be afraid to look at mirrors, pictures, or videos of myself. I have a body, and by "body" I mean my thighs touch, my hips are wide, and my tummy sticks out a tad. What kind of monsters make people feel bad about things they can't change over night? God has deemed me wonderfully made, and that's what I am. My worth is in Him, not in you. I need to stop being so offended every time someone says something about my looks. Could I be healthier yes, but it's a work in process, and If I'm healthy at 250 lbs. you don't have the right to say anything about that number. So I'm going to continue eating the chocolate, because I'm a female person, and that's what female people do.

All this to say I'm not going to change myself to be something men look at. I'm going to continue working on being someone that God looks at with pride. He'll always love me more than anyone could ever love me; so I'm not going to try to waste my time being someone you want me to be. I'll just continue to disappoint you, and you'll always disappoint me. However I will thank you for your time for reading this whole thing, hopefully now you can understand some of the things "fat" people think when they hear the "f word" whispered behind their back.